An Unshuttered Window

Would somebody please take me out and shoot me? My frustration level is at maximum load and I am about to board a train for lands far away...

What's the deal? I am on marriage number three. AND with each union, I have learned and grown, but I find myself in a quagmire. What is it like to have someone who not only loves you, but encourages your growth, likes the changes you are going through and finds it fascinating that you are not the same person you were 12 years ago?

After a week-end in a lovely cabin, on the very apex of a mountain with friends, I have returned to be punished with stares and silence. Please, give me a break. The world is big enough for the two of us and the different ways we choose to be in this world. You are a loner; I am friendly and outgoing. You are enamored of the television;I find my solace in the written word. You are miserly with praise; I am fluent in the language of thanks...I feel as though once we were journeying on the same boat, but now the ship is sinking and you have chosen a different life boat. I do not understand where you are in your life. I want to, but you are too tightly wound and I feel you don't really care where I might be. How shall we overcome this impasse?

I am entering into a world of silence beside you. When you decide we should talk this out, we will. Until then...I like the me I'm becoming. You might too if you choose to know me.

"Oh we got trouble, right here in River City"
The week is off to a horrendous start...Two days of training for a new program at work and Lord knows, I'm already behind with the cases I already manage....The check from the person who bought and carried my furniture away bounced and the phone number on her check has been disconnected....There's a note from the electric company reminding me that the payment is late,...a nasty letter from the hospital regarding a bill I am refusing to pay because they have not provided me with an itemized statement...and there's a storm brewing on the home front.

If someone knows the secret to marital bliss, I wish they'd share it. In the meantime, I struggle to keep my sanity in this union. My beloved's glass is always ( and I do mean always) half empty these days. I cannot feel the joy or hear the laughter here anymore. The chasm between us grows wider and the bridge across is wildly twisting in the wind; we are both much to mature to have reached this impasse, but here we are...I suppose we'll get past this at some point, but oh what a blood letting this has been...we sit like two strangers who have no inclination to meet. A more appropriate description might be two mules (or jackasses may be even getting close to the truth) pulling in different directions when they both just want to go to the same feed trough.

But ah, tomorrow is another day and a new day may bring reason back to life, resurrect common sense and halt the braying of two stubborn mules.

Well, I evidently don't know how to create a link...please go to RedJellyFish to save the rain forest and feed the chimps....

They say the third time is the charm......

Correction to earlier blog - if you want to save the rain forest and feed the chimps, check out this website:

Oops, today was my late day, but I forgot. Another senior moment, I guess. Anyway, I wasn't due here until eight a.m., but arrived just before seven and rather than get right to it, I tooled around on the internet: checked out movie trailers, read my email - both at work and home, checked to see if I was winning an auction on EBay for a CD that I don't want to pay a lot of money for, but still want to own, clicked to save the rain forest and feed the chimps (you can do at ), checked the weather, read my daughter's posting on her blog and then finally decided to pay some attention to my own blog.

Everyone here is tracking Hurricane Isabel. Flashlights, batteries, bottled water and various other storm supplies are vanishing off the store shelves. I am up first on shelter duty should the storm hit here, but I am hoping that like a good woman, Isabel changes her mind and her direction and heads back out to sea.

Senator Edwards will be up the road today in Robbins. Personally, I don't think he stands a chance as a presidential candidate, but what do I know? I didn't think George W. would ever occupy the oval office and look where he sits...

Well, I think I'll get started on my work day. Just for the heck of it, I'll give them 15 minutes of my time - that is, after I get my first cup of decaf and plan my strategy....Hi Ho, Hi Ho, it's off to work I go.

An abandoned blog is a sad thing. It has no voice, no point of view. It lies dormant in a world full of wonders and woes. Who wil take ownership of this blog, cast aside like a toy outgrown or an idea too soon vacated? Like too many things, this blog was started with good intentions and lofty ideas. It was meant to encourage a daily flow of creative juices and the firing of synapes on a regular basis. What happens now? Perhaps, we can start anew with just a little mental prodding. A word here, a sentence there, but as long as its practiced daily, it may grow and blossom. Time will tell.

I am beginning to wonder why I started blogging...was it truly my choice or did I let myself (once again) get talked into it? By the end of the day, I am so tired that not only does creative thought escape me, but thought of any kind is a struggle. The thought of two more work days this week is daunting - the hours looming around the corner like a fire breathing dragon ready to consume me in one hot blast. Two many clients, too many needs, too many meetings and not enough of me to go around.
I have promised myself that tomorrow (after work), I will go to GNC and find a multi-vitamin that will help me stabilize my depleted system. Hopefully, the store staff will be truly knowledgeable as my vitamin must be potent enough for the over fifty female, be small enough to swallow without gagging and not have the odor of a vegetable left too long in the crisper. If the pill can also help me lose weight, stop sprouting chin hairs like a billy goat and enhance my libido, life, as I know it, will greatly improve. And if in swallowing that pill, I could find financial wealth, world peace and an end to world hunger, no price would be too high. But alas, tomorrow I will be delivering food commodities to needy county residents, and trying to fit a 12 hour day into 8...and nothing seems to bring peace to the earth these days. Maybe we need to start a peace chain - set aside all our petty differences, our dissatisfaction with ourselves and others, see ourselves as one planet and not a host of nations and then maybe, one by one, we could do what John Lennon sang, Give Peace a Chance.
And maybe someday, God will explain our presence here as well as our mission. Until then, I fumble through life along with you hoping and praying that each new day brings hope for all us all.

It goes without saying that I am off to a lousy start with my new blog, but not all the blame lays with me. Three days without phone service (so no computer access) followed by a weekend trip to Washington, DC with friends, then back to work and I am sooooo tired. But rest? Never...out to dinner again tonight to celebrate my friend Christine's 47th birthday....running out of steam and out of cash so will have to call a halt to my gallivanting. I spoke with my daughter this evening - it was amazing how much I already knew about what was happening in her life from reading her blog, but nothing can ever replace the sound of her voice. How I wish we lived closer. There are so many interests we share and I know we would have a blast doing things together. Ahh, if wishes were horses. Alas, I must come to a close. Scout, the cat, is clamoring for attention and my bed is calling my name. I bid you a fond adieu.

Hello - I am just getting up and running after discarding my original blog spot as it had no pizazz. If you will bear with me, I promise you a wild ride. Sometimes, I will bore you and at other times, I will enchant you. If you find my writing style not your cup of tea, I suggest you check out the following site penned by my very talented daughter (and no, I am not just a merely proud mama...we are talking talent here):Naked With the Lights On Put on your seat belt. We are ready to take flight...hope you enjoy the view.